I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
