Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
