Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
