Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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