I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
