New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
