I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
