Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How external is "for external use only"?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
