The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize