I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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