I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
