i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
