a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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