New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
