Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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