weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
