I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
