How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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