idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
