No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
