A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
