was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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