Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
