I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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