You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
