Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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