I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
