Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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