I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
