Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
