you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
