There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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