shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize