Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hippo gnu deer
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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