I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
