dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dicks are not precious.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
