My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
