Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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