i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
