If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
