Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
