now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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