Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
