I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
