Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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