She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
