We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
