WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
