i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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