dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
