i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
