it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
