don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
