This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
