I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
