The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize