i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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