I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
