ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
