I murdered the dance floor call the cops
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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