Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
