I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize