Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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