the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
