How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
